Wooing
by Simple-Minded Idiot
Summary: Love, as they say, is a game. It has rules. Like any other game, there are also loopholes. Like any video game, there are cheat sheets. Join one man as he plays one game that nobody else hasn't won. However, love, as some say, isn't a joke. [NaruSasu]


Yo! It's definitely been ages since I popped up with something. I do hope that it'll be an enjoyable read (because I frankly don't know when I'll pop up again -- perhaps I'm a mushroom or something).

* * *

**Pick a game. Press _Start_ or any other key or button to start. No, joysticks don't apply, unfortunately.**

Uzumaki Naruto was a simple man that had simple dreams. Or as simple as being some emperor of the world was.

Okay, so maybe Uzumaki Naruto _wasn't _a simple man with simple dreams. Well, at least he's still a simple man. Or maybe not that either. Ah, well, at least _everyone_ knew that he's a man. Never mind that there's only a letter that differentiated she from he, and only two letters that made man from woman different.

This introduction really is taking quite long, so... moving on then.

Uzumaki Naruto had a best friend. His name was Uchiha Sasuke. And Uchiha Sasuke was anything _but_ simple.

He was someone who just took The Scene – yes, **T**he **S**cene for nothing more would fit that thing that we call high school drama –effortlessly. He didn't even _want_ attention. But he got it whether he liked it or not.

Naruto and he used to be the greatest of rivals. Well, they still were right now, but much less than before.

Their friendship was... definitely something complex and much better off not being understood. Even they really didn't know how their friendship worked.

Ah, well, they first started to become friends during one of the fights Naruto had been in. A fight wherein he was obviously outnumbered. Really, one to sixteen? Sasuke was the student council treasurer then – he was still in the student council, though they were in high school and not in middle school now, and he was now vice-president – and being the man that was all about equality and fairness and sticking to the rules, he'd aided Naruto. Of course, that was only when the guys hadn't listened to him.

Which was rather odd because _everyone_ listened to Uchiha Sasuke and did what he told them to do, as if he possessed a geas or something.

Moving on once again because the introduction was only supposed to last under three hundred to one thousand words.

Recently, Uzumaki Naruto started feeling _oddly_ towards Sasuke. And all it took were several meetings with several of his friends – read as, perhaps half of the school population and didn't necessarily mean _just friends_; some were actually just innocent bystanders that got hauled in by other people – for him to realize was this feeling or emotion was.

But that would be another story for another day. Maybe wait for a week or so?

The conclusion of the little soul searching Naruto and friends had gone on was that he was madly in love with Sasuke. Yes, only adverbs such as that one could describe the insanity of what Naruto felt towards his friend/rival. Yes! It was insane. For everyone knew that falling in love with Sasuke would mean heartbreak eventually.

Then again, Naruto was also quite insane himself.

What would insane guy plus insane heartbreaker equate to in this little game in life?

* * *

**Your first obstacle! Can't get through some monster? Can't find a pixie? WHERE THE HECK IS THAT SWORD THAT YOU NEED?!**

Naruto had decided that perhaps that the best thing to proclaim his, quote, undying love for his bastard of a best friend, unquote, was to say it out loud and as bluntly as he could muster. Which would mean that the whole school would know it in a few seconds.

Not as if the whole school already knew by now what with all of the ruckus that the little soul searching had done.

"Oh Sasuke!" Naruto said in a sing-song way.

Sasuke winced and gritted his teeth. _Fucking idiot could at least learn how to sing_, he thought grimly. When would Sasuke learn that, no, not everyone had ears as sensitive as his.

Naruto plopped on his chair which was, coincidentally, beside Sasuke's with a grin brighter than any grin he'd ever worn before. Sasuke thought that it made Naruto looked stupider than ever.

"You know what I found out yesterday, teme?!" Naruto asked, his voice as exuberant as ever. Without waiting for an answer – it had taken around a minute or so for him to think "hey, teme, ain't responding and I sure as hell won't be waiting for him" – he proceeded to tell Sasuke just what was his discovery. "I'm in love with you!"

The people in the room immediately became tense. It could be seen on their faces. Their lips were in a thin line and they were clutching their skirts or pants or shirts or bags or whatever it was that was within their arm's reach.

Sasuke blinked. The confusion in his face wasn't at all that evident. His face had become far too much acquainted with the poker-expression or the irritation that he oft had on.

"The... hell. Dobe?" he asked after the initial shock had worn off. "Are you sick or something? Have you finally received food poisoning from all the ramen and junk that you eat... _again_?"

Naruto twisted his mouth into a frown. A thoughtful look descended upon his face. His eyes wandered to the ceiling.

"I don't think that I'm sick," he slowly said, as if in contemplation, "and I don't think that I received food poisoning from this week yet."

After a while, Sasuke nodded. How could he forget? Naruto was mostly unlucky during Thursdays. And it was Tuesday today.

It seemed as if the whole love issue had already disappeared into a thin air. At least that was what the people were sure of. Things went back to normal.

At least until Naruto brought it up again a few minutes later.

"So, yeah, I love you," he said in a somewhat nonchalant manner – a nonchalant tone, for Naruto, still sounded like a very happy tone to others and, of course, Sasuke knew otherwise.

"What do you want me to do about it?" Sasuke asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Love me back?" A note of desperation took over Naruto's voice.

Sasuke furrowed his brows. "No."

"What?!" This time, Naruto sounded a bit... surprised. And that just made Sasuke surprised. Why would Naruto be surprised at his refusal? "Why not?!"

"I don't _do_ love, dobe, and you know that."

"Well, I'm telling you to start wanting to love right now!"

"You're an idiot. A selfish idiot at that."

"You know it, teba!"

Before the two of them knew it, a fist was implanted on Naruto's head. A fist which was connected to an arm which was connected to a neck which was connected to a head, on the top of which was hair that was colored with a pretty shade of pink.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke-kun," Sakura said, sounding very much sorry for Naruto. "Naruto's such a boor, isn't he? Please just chalk that up to his charms."

Sasuke merely nodded.

Sakura flashed him a smile before dragging Naruto away to start teaching him on the ways of shoujo manga confessions and hero mannerisms.

* * *

**There's this time that comes that makes you think that... you definitely need a cheat sheet. Or some self-help forum. Maybe 4chan might have them, too. Almost anything can be found on 4chan nowadays.**

"I was already doing _fine_!" Naruto exclaimed.

"As fine as Hinata-chan is when she goes to the lunch line _alone_," Sakura snorted.

And everyone knew that shy little Hinata definitely couldn't be left alone in the lunch line. People would probably cut in front of her and then she wouldn't be able to buy her food at all.

"He looked _freaked_ out, you idiot, and that is _so_ not a good thing!" Sakura continued. "It's probably going to be hard to get you back in his good graces." She was a very confusing girl. She could be both modern _and_ obsolete – as far as teens were concerned.

"I don't even think that he cares," Naruto whined.

"He might not care, but you should. _Love_ is on the line!"

"So what do you suggest that I do, oh great love guru?"

"Ouch. Your sarcasm stings, Naruto-kun," someone said as they entered the classroom the two were in.

It was Sai. And, as usual, he was smiling.

Oh how Sakura hoped that he would _finally_ trip. The guy always walked with his eyes closed.

"Why are_ you_ here?" she asked, her voice oozing with venom.

"I'm your classmate, ugly," Sai said as cheerfully as usual. "I have every right to be here."

"It's still lunch," she briefly paused there, looking a bit thoughtful – most likely rummaging her mind for insults she could use, "cocksucker."

"How original. And why does it matter if it's lunch or not?"

Sakura looked very much like she would want to rip _his_ hair off. But seeing as they were still in school and no fighting was allowed at school, she stopped herself. She would merely have to wait for him after school to have a friendly chat.

"Look, Sakura-chan, just ignore Sai," Naruto said, not really wanting to witness a battle of-of _something_ between Sakura and Sai.

She forced her attention back on him. It almost made him wish that she just went on staring, _glaring_ at Sai. It might've been much better for his heart, too.

"If you want to have Sasuke-kun all for yourself, you have to do better than your blunt and tasteless confession a few minutes ago," she said. "There are other people who want him, too," and boy did Naruto know that, "and obviously, they do better confessions than you. Do you want to lose Sasuke, Naruto?"

"Of course not!" Naruto exclaimed, obviously a bit distraught that she'd come to think that he wasn't at all serious in his, well, love.

"Come to my house later and we'll see things through!"

"Yes, ma'am!"

Oh the sheer passion! If Lee had been there, he would've been squealing like a demented fangirl. He'd always had a thing for passion.

* * *

**Wow. Or is it woe? 'Tis only three minutes of you restarting the game when you find out that you got cheat sheets from the older version of the game – doesn't help that it has the same name.**

Naruto blinked after he surveyed the occupants of Sakura's living room. Sakura, of course, was there. Ino was also there. Kiba was sitting on his right, Shikamaru and Chouji were lazing on one of the sofas with the latter having a bag of chips on his pudgy hands, and Neji was seated comfortably on the armchair, looking as regal as a king. Hinata was seated on a love seat, sitting beside Tenten. The others weren't able to come due to extracurricular activities or other schedule conflicts.

Naruto couldn't understand why there had to be a lot of people in this one. Did Sakura honestly think that she was so utterly hopeless at love that he needed _a lot_ of help?

His pride hurt. But, well, if this would land him a place on the arctic region known as Sasuke's heart, then it'd be worth it. A bit. Damn bastard, making him do all these things.

"Let's start then!" Sakura cheerfully proclaimed.

* * *

**Just your luck, there were hardly any differences in the game you're playing now and it's older version. Albeit there are some discrepancies.**

When Sasuke opened his locker today, a mountain of flowers promptly covered and buried him. He sneezed... and soon got sent to the hospital.

Naruto repeatedly hit his head on his desk. What kind of best friend was he?! He didn't even remember that Sasuke was allergic to certain kinds of flowers. Three of them happened to be jonquils, tulips, and violets. Which also happened to be three of the five flowers that'd ambushed Sasuke.

For sure, Naruto would be hiding from Sasuke for a very long time.

Ino sighed and patted Naruto's head while Hinata stuttered words of comfort. Sakura, on the other hand, was crouched on a piece of paper, obviously plotting some more. It seemed as if she had taken Naruto wooing Sasuke as a project of hers.

Shikamaru looked at all of his classmates and sighed. Definitely troublesome.

-

-

-

It was three days later when Naruto was able to go near Sasuke without being black-and-blue a few minutes later.

It was also three days later when Naruto continued to woo Sasuke.

He had tried out his luck at poetry. Of course, the others had helped him. Especially Neji who had a penchant for literature.

It was at lunchtime when he loudly cleared his throat, making Sasuke look at him oddly, and knelt in front of Sasuke as would a proposing-to-his-girlfriend man. The crowd hushed and stared at the two. Sasuke raised his eyebrow, obviously not understanding all of it.

When Naruto ended his poetry, the crowd was turned into a maudlin pile of mush, most especially the females. How sweet!

"... The fuck?" Sasuke asked.

Aye, Sasuke was one for literature, but he sure didn't like romance.

Naruto bowed his head in defeat when Sasuke offered him three pieces of tempura. This was obviously going to be hard since Sasuke had not a single cell of romance in his body.

Sakura was taking down notes in the shadows – provided that the others had covered her on her orders; she had said something about "for effect" – and writing her own analyses on the matter right after.

* * *

**On the verge of quitting because it's just too hard (don't worry, you're not alone)? Take a damn break for heaven's sake. That's why they have that save option there.**

"I just don't think that it's worth it!" Naruto said exasperatedly. It was odd the way he was giving up _just like that_. Sakura was worried. "I mean, it's obvious that he just isn't interested!"

"And that's the purpose of you wooing him. To win his affections," Sakura said.

"For all I know, he might like someone else!"

"You're such a wimp!"

Naruto walked away in a huff.

-

-

-

"Here, dobe," Sasuke muttered as held out a small box, "that old lady in the cake shop gave me strawberry cake again."

Naruto blinked and stared at the box. Cake. Strawberry cake, too! It was his favorite! The grin that he flashed at Sasuke carried his gratitude.

Sasuke crossed his arms as soon as Naruto had gotten the cake from him. He watched Naruto devour the cake. He felt himself smile a bit. He had missed times like these. Those days before Naruto just went up and came to him and said "I love you".

Although–

"You're the best, teme!" Naruto said when he finished eating.

–there was something about–

"So I've been told," Sasuke wryly said.

–blatant confessions of love that he missed.

Naruto grinned at Sasuke some more, feeling his spirit renewed.

Tomorrow, he would start again. He wouldn't give up. Definitely. Because he knew that Sasuke _ought_ to have a spark of affection towards him.

Because food always tasted better when Sasuke bought it for him.

* * *

**The in between levels – probably the most mundane things you'll ever encounter once you've gone through the last level, but there's a bit of challenge in them anyway. Then again, you're just a newbie, aren't you?**

Sasuke just stared at the letter in his hands.

_Dear teme,_

_I love you. chu_

_Cooler than you, Naruto_

Whatever Naruto was smoking, Sasuke wanted some. It seemed to be some pretty good shit, too.

He looked at Naruto who was sitting beside him with a grin. Naruto winked at him, and then he looked back at the letter with horror written all over his face.

Oh good lord, _no_.

-

-

-

Kiba dragged Naruto away from what seemed to be a petrified Sasuke.

Sasuke had not anticipated the events that had happened.

He definitely didn't expect Naruto to fucking _grope_ him. In the showers. As he changed. What was the world coming to now?

Sai merely patted Sasuke's head.

"That has been your first time being held by someone with calluses, right? Nasty experience. Skin like yours doesn't get easily accustomed to hands like those," Sai said with the usual smile on his face.

Sasuke couldn't even think of a retort to that one. Nor did he swat the hand that was patting his head.

-

-

-

"Here, teme, bento!" Naruto cheerfully proclaimed as he fished out two bento from his lunch bag.

Naruto really wasn't the best cook out there, but he could manage. And Hinata had helped him, too. Hinata who was so good at cooking.

Naruto opened the bento and placed one on Sasuke's desk.

Sasuke, being the paranoid person that he was, eyed the food. They looked like tasteful morsels, yes they did. It was so tempting. But he couldn't trust Naruto's warped sense of taste and cooking abilities.

"Hey, hey, Sasuke!" Naruto suddenly said.

Sasuke looked at him and asked, "What–?"

And before he knew it, his mouth had sushi in it. Sushi that had been handled by Naruto's chopsticks that had most likely gotten inside Naruto's mouth and had been exposed to Naruto's saliva. Sasuke refrained from gagging as it was a most disgusting sight. Despite the fact that his supposed best friend was probably inept in etiquette, that didn't mean that he, too, was a barbarian.

Sasuke felt sick. His anal-retentive self felt scandalized.

Naruto just... grinned.

* * *

**The great obstacle... when the last stage starts. Or last level if you're a bit picky with words.**

It was dismissal time.

Naruto was in some cafe/ice-cream-joint near their school, eating strawberry sherbet. A girl was sitting in front of him. She was one of their classmates and a friend of his. Then again, he considered almost everyone his friend.

"So, you know, what's up?" he asked after he swallowed the mouthful of sherbet he had just put in his mouth. "Been a while, huh?"

She was the one who'd invited him to this place. They had spotted each other in the hallway and then she had just asked him to this place. It was as simple as that. Oh, and she also told him that she'd be the one paying.

Naruto was an opportunist at heart and would never _ever_ deny free food. As long as it was something that wouldn't poison him, of course!

"I've been fine," the girl said, "and what about you?"

"Been doing great!" Naruto chirped.

The girl smiled at him.

"So why the sudden treat?" he asked.

"N-Nothing," she stuttered.

"Hey, hey, why the sudden Hinata?"

Naruto had easily spotted the stutter since that girl, the one in front of him, was known for being positively not shy in anyway. One might even say that she was unnaturally blunt and crude. Like him.

The girl averted his question-filled eyes. After a minute or so, she looked at him hopefully. Of course, he didn't know that she was looking _hopefully_ at him. He wasn't really the best at reading emotions.

"Listen, Naruto-kun, we've known each other for a while, right?" she asked.

He nodded. Yeah, they'd known each other for around five years which was pretty long.

"And we're friends, right? she asked.

He nodded yet again. He was getting more and more curious about where this would lead.

"I want to... I want to..." she started to say. "Augh! I just can't _say_ it!"

She rose a bit from her chair, placed her palms on the table, leaned to where he was, and gave him a peck on the lips.

He blinked and she sat firmly on her chair with a blush raging on her face.

And of course, something just _had_ to happen for the climax to finally happen. Rather, there was someone who just had to witness it all.

That someone somewhat obviously went by name Uchiha Sasuke.

"It's a surprise seeing you here, dobe," he drawled. "I was just going."

Naruto stared at him, horrified.

"I give you and Yukino-san the best of wishes," Sasuke said.

And then he just went out of the establishment after that.

After everything that had occurred seeped into his mind, Naruto quickly got out of his chair and rushed out of the ice cream parlor despite the protests of the girl.

"Oi! Teme! Wait up!" he shouted as soon as he caught up with Sasuke who seemed to be briskly walking.

"Is it alright for you to have left Yukino-san there?" Sasuke asked, still walking.

"It's not what it looks like!"

"What doesn't look like what?"

"The kiss, you ass!"

"I don't even care. Go back to her before she leaves you."

"Will you _listen_ to me, dammit?!"

Sasuke stopped walking and turned around, looking at Naruto fiercely.

"Yes, I'm listening. But this better be worth it because I'm busy," he said.

"We're not... we're not a couple or anything," Naruto said.

"Why should I care?"

"Well, maybe you don't, but I do! I want to... I want to show you... that-that you'll be the only one! I just... I just... it doesn't matter if you care or not. At least right now. But I'll make you care someday! But, yeah, for now, well, I just have to be satisfied with only having myself care about this whole thing."

* * *

**And just when the last stage was about to come to an end and you'd know if you won or not... a blackout occurs.**

"You're impossible," Sasuke said after a few minutes of silence.

"You know me!" Naruto said with a grin.

It was pretty tense. Not at all the kind of _tense_ that they usually dealt with – the kind of tense that was a prelude to what seemed to be a boxing match.

* * *

**Though maybe that's alright. You're pretty much sure that you were going to win anyway.**

"But I guess that you're alright... for a dobe," Sasuke said.

Naruto had never felt happier in his whole life. Sasuke had also thought that Naruto's face would split in half with the grin that he wore on his face. Silly dobe.

* * *

**In the hope of finding whether or not you really have mad gaming skills, you play the game again.**

"Sasu-teme! I love you!"

Sasuke groaned and buried his face in his book. Naruto merely sweetly smiled as he plopped beside Sasuke.

* * *

Ah, yes, well, this time, I'm quite sure that I've managed to botch something up there. Be it grammar or characterization. It'd be nice if you commented on any of those. Or a comment on anything about the story so that I can see if I changed even in the least bit or if I had to tweak a few other things. 


End file.
